Dating in Nigeria isn’t for the faint-hearted. Between four “good morning” texts from four different men and waiting three weeks for someone to finally define the relationship, it can feel like navigating a minefield. We often roll our eyes at the men and their commitment issues, and to be fair, some of them deserve it. But sometimes, sis, the call is coming from inside the house.
What if you are part of the problem?
Here are seven dating habits Nigerian women seriously need to unlearn:
Expecting Him to Read Your Mind
If you’re upset because he didn’t call and you’re hoping he just “figures it out,” you’re setting yourself up. Men are not mind-readers. If you want consistency, ask for it. If something bothers you, say so.
A lot of conflict in relationships doesn’t come from disagreement — it comes from silence. Your feelings are valid, but they need words to land. Communicating your needs isn’t nagging. It’s emotional maturity.
Dating for Potential, Not Reality
“He has vision… he just needs time.” Translation? You’re dating his potential while ignoring who he is right now. If you’ve been in the same emotional loop for three years, maybe it’s time to exit stage left.
You can support someone’s growth, but you are not his business plan. Pay attention to how he treats you now — not the dream he’s selling. Love should be a connection, not a construction site.
Confusing Attention with Intention
He sends sweet texts, buys suya at midnight, takes you to RSVP… but has no plan beyond next weekend. Nigerian men have mastered the art of being present without being intentional.
So ask the hard questions. Define things early. Don’t let vibes fool you into wasting your time. Attention is easy. Intention is deliberate.
Over-Performing in the Talking Stage
Cooking. Cleaning. Giving him money. Submitting before there’s even a title. Sis, you’re doing wife duties while your name is still saved as “Funke Lekki Phase 1.”
The talking stage is for observing, not performing. You’re not auditioning. Don’t carry the relationship on your head alone. If he hasn’t earned exclusivity, don’t hand him the perks.
Using Relationships as a Status Symbol
Not every man deserves an Instagram post. Stop announcing situationships just to prove you’re “not single at 38” or make your ex jealous.
Real relationships are built offline — with boundaries, respect, and real effort. Love isn’t PR. And validation from strangers won’t save something that’s broken behind closed doors.
Believing You Can Fix Him
You’re not his therapist. You’re not his rehab center. If he’s emotionally unavailable, still texting his ex, or blaming his trauma for bad behaviour — you can’t fix that.
Healing is personal work, not a couples’ project. No amount of love will change someone who doesn’t want to grow. Don’t mistake suffering for loyalty. It’s not romantic — it’s exhausting.
Treating Singleness Like a Disease
You are not on hold until a man chooses you. You are not incomplete. Build your life — travel, start a business, get therapy, love yourself deeply.
Singleness isn’t a problem. It’s a gift — a season for self-discovery and freedom. The right relationship should meet you in wholeness, not in desperation. Your life is already valid. With or without a plus one.
One more thing? Being self-aware is not self-blame. Unlearning bad habits is how we grow, evolve, and make room for the kind of love we truly want — the healthy, reciprocal, joyful kind.
