Every relationship today seems to begin with the same ritual: the talking stage. It is that in-between period where two people are constantly texting, sharing memes, sending playlists, and maybe going out a few times, but no one has put a label on what is happening. You are not quite single, but you are not in a defined relationship either. For some, it feels exciting and fresh, while for others it feels like a waiting room with no end in sight.
The talking stage has become such a common part of dating that it almost feels unavoidable. People want to “see where things go” before committing. It is a chance to test chemistry, gauge compatibility, and observe how someone communicates in everyday life. On the surface, it seems like a sensible step. After all, why rush into a relationship with someone you barely know?
But the difficult part is that the talking stage does not come with an expiry date. For one person, a few weeks of talking is enough to know whether to move forward. For another, three or four months of back and forth may still feel like just “getting to know each other.” This difference in timelines is where tension often begins to build.
When does it cross from taking your time to wasting your time?
The Purpose of the Talking Stage
At its best, the talking stage is about building trust without pressure. You learn what makes the other person laugh, how they handle small disagreements, and whether your values align in everyday ways. It can feel light and exciting because it is free of the heavier conversations that come with defined relationships.
However, not everyone views the stage in the same way. For some, it is a short introduction to something more serious. For others, it is a safe zone where they can enjoy closeness without responsibility. That mismatch can leave one person waiting for clarity while the other avoids defining anything.
Signs It Has Gone On Too Long
There is no fixed timeline, but most people would agree that if you are still “talking” after several months with no sign of progress, it is worth asking questions. These are some signs that the talking stage may have dragged on too long:
You are spending time together regularly but the topic of exclusivity never comes up.
You feel anxious about whether they see you as a partner or just a friend they flirt with.
You hesitate to ask “what are we” for fear of scaring them off.
You notice that they avoid conversations about the future.
If any of these sounds familiar, the talking stage may no longer be serving its purpose. Instead of being a bridge into something deeper, it has become a holding pattern.
The Role of Communication
One of the biggest misconceptions about the talking stage is that labels ruin things. In reality, clarity usually strengthens them. If you like someone and want more, asking them where they stand does not make you needy or impatient. It simply sets boundaries and saves time.
If weeks have turned into months and you are still unsure of their intentions, it is reasonable to have the conversation. The answer may not always be what you hope for, but at least you will know. Uncertainty is often harder to live with than rejection.
Why Some People Drag It Out
Not everyone stretches out the talking stage out of bad intentions. Some genuinely need more time to decide. Others may enjoy the connection but not be ready to commit. And some may simply like the benefits of closeness without the responsibility of a relationship.
Recognising which category your situation falls into is important. If someone is honest about not being ready, you can decide if you are willing to wait. But if someone is deliberately vague to keep you hanging, that is a red flag.
How Long Is Too Long?
So how long should the talking stage last? While there is no universal rule, many relationship experts suggest that three months is a reasonable window. By then, most people know whether they want to move forward. If things remain undefined much longer, it often means someone is avoiding a decision.
The Bottom Line
The talking stage is not a bad thing. It is a natural part of relationships and can be enjoyable when both people are on the same page. But it should be a step, not a destination. If you feel stuck, confused, or anxious, it has probably gone on too long. The way forward is through honesty. If you like where things are going, say so. If you want more, ask. If the other person cannot give you clarity, you are free to move on and find someone who can.
At the end of the day, the talking stage is meant to help you figure out if a relationship is worth pursuing. If it feels more like a maze than a bridge, it may be time to ask the simplest and most important question: What are we doing here?
