By Konye Chelsea Nwabogor
Everyone, from your perpetually single aunt to your freshly ghosted best friend, has something to say about the dismal state of modern romance. But is dating indeed as bleak as they make it out to be, or are we simply facing the growing pains of love in the digital age?
Dating has always been a fascinating, sometimes perplexing, and often frustrating endeavour. Lately, however, every conversation about it ends with a collective groan and a resigned shrug.
Conversations over dinner are littered with tales of disaster dates, fleeting flings, and, of course, the infamous ghosting saga. Yet, despite the cacophony of complaints, millions worldwide continue to download dating apps, spruce up their profiles or network to meet love prospects, and generally plunge back into the dating pool with a mix of hope and dread. This paradox suggests that perhaps the situation isn’t entirely dire—maybe it’s just evolving.
Men and women alike are voicing specific grievances that highlight a shift in dating dynamics. Many men feel that dating has turned into a transactional ordeal, where the measure of their worth is too often tied to the thickness of their wallet. This sentiment echoes through bars and X threads, where tales of dates doubling as job interviews make the rounds. “I went on a date the other night,” says Tunde, a 32-year-old graphic designer, “and the first thing she asked was what I do for a living and whether I owned my apartment. It felt more like a job interview than a date”. This sentiment is echoed across many first dates. Men often feel like they’re being sized up for their earning potential rather than their personality or compatibility. While financial security is undeniably important, its overt focus can make the initial stages of dating feel more like a transaction than a genuine attempt to connect. Women, on the other hand, lament a market flooded with commitment phobes. They share stories of men who perpetually hover at the dating stage, allergic to anything that hints at settling down. These frustrations reflect a deeper dissatisfaction with the current dating culture, which prioritises convenience over connection. “It feels like every guy I meet just wants to keep things casual,” says Sarah, a 28-year-old marketing executive. “They’re always talking about keeping their options open and not wanting to be tied down. It’s like they have this fear of missing out on something better.” This fear of commitment is perhaps fueled by the overwhelming choices available in the digital age. With an endless stream of potentials, the temptation to keep swiping in search of the ‘perfect’ partner can be hard to resist. It’s the paradox of choice – with so many options, it becomes harder to settle for just one.
Yet, despite the horror stories, some are still having a great time dating. Tony, another friend, met his partner recently and couldn’t be happier. “We started chatting, and within a week, we were inseparable,” he says. “Sure, I had my fair share of bad dates before her, but doesn’t everyone? The key is persistence and keeping an open mind.”
Tony’s optimism is refreshing but begs the question: is the problem with dating itself, or is it our approach to it? In an era where instant gratification is the norm, patience can feel like an archaic virtue. We expect to find the perfect match with minimal effort and maximum convenience, often overlooking the fact that meaningful relationships take time and work to build.
But perhaps the biggest challenge in modern dating is the societal pressure and the unrealistic expectations set by social media. Picture-perfect dates and seemingly flawless relationships are flaunted online, setting an unattainable standard. The reality of dating – with its awkward silences, miscommunications, and occasional heartbreaks – pales in comparison to the curated highlight reels we scroll through daily.
Then there’s the issue of expectations and unrealistic standards. We look for grand gestures and perfect chemistry, forgetting that real relationships are built on everyday moments and small acts of kindness.
Let’s not forget the impact of the pandemic, which has added another layer of complexity to dating. With lockdowns and social distancing measures, many have turned to virtual dates, navigating the awkwardness of connecting through screens. While some have found love in these trying times, others feel more disconnected than ever.
Despite these challenges, it’s important to remember that dating has always had its ups and downs. Romantic comedies from decades past are filled with tales of awkward encounters, missed connections, and heartbreaks. The difference now is that our experiences are amplified and shared in real-time, making it feel as though we’re all collectively suffering. So, is dating really as terrible as everyone makes it seem?
Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that dating is as complex as it’s ever been—filled with both disenchantment and delight. For every horror story, there’s a tale of romance. For every disastrous date, there’s one that leads to a lifelong partnership. One thing is clear, though: the landscape has certainly changed, bringing both challenges and opportunities. Dating today requires a thick skin, a clear sense of self, and a good sense of humour.
Ultimately, it’s like what Grandma used to say: “Finding love is like finding a good pair of shoes. It takes time and patience, and sometimes, you have to try on a few to find the right fit.”