Two to three centuries ago, the roles of a father were primarily to serve as breadwinners and the conveyers of moral values and religious education to their children. In recent times, the father’s role in parenting is changing – for good. Today’s father is no longer always the traditional married breadwinner and disciplinarian in the family. The modern-day father comes in various forms. He can be single or married, externally employed or stay-at-home, adoptive or a stepparent, but the most important thing is He is more than a capable caregiver to children when facing physical or psychological challenges.
We spoke to a few people about their relationships with their Dads. We asked them; to describe their relationship with him and tell us what they wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
These were the responses.
Michael
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
My relationship with my Dad is respectful and open. I feel that I can talk to him about most things and not feel awkward around him. It’s a very supportive and encouraging relationship. He’s super behind me always and a big cheerleader for my dreams.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
When it comes to parenting, I wish my Dad could accept all my individual qualities without letting personal judgment get in the way. I believe that each child comes into the world as a fully formed individual with a personality and specialness. Most parents don’t know how to respect and honour all of their child’s individuality, so they try or wish with all their might to change you. This will always be a losing game because people will eventually choose themselves. Two good books that talk about this and give insight into how to parent without control are “The Awakened Family” and “The Conscious Parent” by Dr Shefali Tsabary. Generally, he is a very accepting and open person, but I believe we could all always be better.
Patrick
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
The relationship is amazing. It is painful watching him age but starting to appreciate him more than ever before. Everything he did was really out of love.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
I wish he was less forceful when instilling discipline as a young father. There are other ways, but I guess he never recognised this.
Robert
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
The relationship I have with my Dad is probably not the greatest. I feel we are still getting to know and understand each other; naturally, that can take a while. I also don’t think he understands me sometimes, and honestly, it can be a result of our age difference, experience, and maybe even upbringing. And that’s why we sometimes don’t agree on certain subjects, like when discussing stuff like feminism, parenting, empowering women, marriage, and many more. But at the end of the day, he’s my Dad, and I love him so much.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
When it comes to parenting, one thing I wish my Dad did differently would be in the aspect of planning. To be honest, many of us have found ourselves in weird situations because most of our parents, dads especially, didn’t plan or didn’t properly plan. They probably didn’t know how many kids they wanted or the quality of education they would give their children. They probably didn’t even plan for themselves; how much more planning for `somebody else. But yeah…
Tolani
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
He’s my best friend
What do you wish your Dad did differently when it comes to parenting?
Nothing.
AV.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
My relationship with my Dad has taken several forms over the years. Right now, we do not talk much – It’s a hello, hello, how are you doing relationship. About two years ago, I stopped talking to him for over a year because I did not understand one of his actions. He had placed something to be more priority than something my brother needed to complete school. I cannot remember the exact thing, but I felt his priorities were not straight. However, the day I was leaving Nigeria for my masters, I decided to call a truce and open the line of communication.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
Although my Dad was very present when it came to parenting (Attending Parent-Teachers Association’s (PTA) meetings and other school events, even becoming the chairman of the PTA meeting both at my primary and secondary school) – It never felt like he was doing it for the right reasons. Don’t get me wrong, while I think he started doing it for the right reasons and was trying to be very present to ensure everything was going well with us education-wise. It somehow managed to turn into a “like me’ parade. It became more about his reputation than us, the children, and as a result, it felt like he was there, but he was not there at the same time. Maybe instead of doing all of that, if he communicated with us a little more and sought to understand and provide some guidance, there might have been more of a relationship.
Ebovi
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
Terrible. He was a terrible man.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
Honestly, nothing different. Because I could have turned out differently.
Yemi.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
It’s a very transactional relationship on my end. It’s formed on the basis of money.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
I wish he were less “here have some money” and more “here, I’m being a present father.”
Pam-Pam.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
I have a really great relationship with my father—the kind of healthy relationship you could say. A man I can rely on, come rain come shine.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
Letting me talk about guys with him. He always said he could afford whatever those guys could give.
Wolf.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
Growing up, my relationship with my Dad was weird. For the first 5-6 years of my life, he was not always around because of his job. When I started seeing him more often, it seemed like he was an unapproachable, distance figure. I spent most of my years not relying on him for emotional support. Like many Nigerian dads (this is me being optimistic), he provided financial support and, in some ways, showed love by waking up at 4 AM to make us burgers and Sandwiches before leaving for work. I took that for granted, and it did not occur to me that he did that to show care and affection for us.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
One thing I wish and am working on is making him more open to sharing parts of his emotions and life that he shut down because he was trying to be a man. I started recognising a lot of things I found weird while growing up as him doing his best to take up the role of a father, husband and professional when I turned 25 (I realised this when I had my first panic attack a few days before my birthday.) As I’m gradually becoming a man, I find myself questioning my decisions a lot, and I desperately want guidance, so now, I’m trying to pull him in, so he shares more of his life. I want to learn from him and become better at being a man in this crazy world.
Solafunmi.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
We’re a bit close.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
Stop making conclusions about me and my lifestyle choices.
Olamide.
Can you briefly describe your relationship with your Dad?
We have no relationship.
What do you wish he did differently when it comes to parenting?
Maybe Stay? Lol
